Everyday my dad texts me: "Love you". Everyday the same message. Everyday I respond: "Love you too!!" Everyday.
Everyday he texts my little sister the same message.
The repetition everyday is good. It is good to be reminded regularly of something I know to be true. Of course, I know my dad loves me, though many days, maybe even most days, I do not 'feel' any different or more connected because of this message. And some days I do.
It's a ritual my dad began a few years ago. And it reminds me, going beyond this one ritual, that ritual is powerful.
Unfortunately, in some of my 'circles,' ritual has been preceded by the judging word "dead." Ritual is inauthentic. Ritual is empty. Ritual is unfelt and unmeant. Ritual is prayers that aren't rooted in the heart. Real sentiment, real emotion, real love is spontaneous, unprompted, original.
But real life says otherwise. When my dad texts me everyday, when my mom hugs me goodbye every time I leave, when I celebrate my friends' birthdays every year, when I go to church every week on the same day, the regularity actually reinforces the reality. Ritual makes celebration authentic. Ritual states what is in the back of the mind. Ritual gives us words when we have few of our own.
Everyday does not make "Love you" mean less but more. Each one is a brick. Day by day these gray blocks are stacked one on top of the other to build something stronger, something surer, something truer and better than if they were thrown around as they come to mind.
Over the last year I've been watching the same TV show every week (more or less) with the same friend. It's a ritual. And I love it. There are weeks one of us is too busy or has something else come up, but we do our best. Ritual is discipline. But there is something about the reliability of ritual that makes it deep, dependable. It's something to look forward to, because it's something solid and real when the rest of my week seems controlling or unstable. Ritual is brick walls that allow light to stream in through the windows.
Fear of commitment is an enemy of ritual. I would rather control my schedule and my time than surrender them to other people. To give myself over on a regular basis to the same event with the same person is frightening.
But when we dedicate ourselves to rituals, we dedicate ourselves to the realities they serve. We dedicate ourselves, schedules and all, to people, saying, "Even though something 'better' may come up, I'm dedicating myself to you. I'm promising that I'll be there. I'm affirming that you matter even when I may not feel like spending time with you, even when I'm glancing at my watch." And sometimes ritual grabs our attention and says, "But remember why you're doing this! Remember how much bigger this person, this thing, this reality is than you are even capable of comprehending." Ritual is mutual submission. Ritual is faith.
And ritual is "Love you" when I might not even feel it. Ritual is bigger than fleeting emotion.
So, here's to weekly dinners! Here's to TV schedules! Here's to family vacations and random holidays! Here's to bedtime stories and Sunday afternoon walks. Here is a place for ritual.
And here is a place for Love you.
Everyday he texts my little sister the same message.
The repetition everyday is good. It is good to be reminded regularly of something I know to be true. Of course, I know my dad loves me, though many days, maybe even most days, I do not 'feel' any different or more connected because of this message. And some days I do.
It's a ritual my dad began a few years ago. And it reminds me, going beyond this one ritual, that ritual is powerful.
Unfortunately, in some of my 'circles,' ritual has been preceded by the judging word "dead." Ritual is inauthentic. Ritual is empty. Ritual is unfelt and unmeant. Ritual is prayers that aren't rooted in the heart. Real sentiment, real emotion, real love is spontaneous, unprompted, original.
But real life says otherwise. When my dad texts me everyday, when my mom hugs me goodbye every time I leave, when I celebrate my friends' birthdays every year, when I go to church every week on the same day, the regularity actually reinforces the reality. Ritual makes celebration authentic. Ritual states what is in the back of the mind. Ritual gives us words when we have few of our own.
Everyday does not make "Love you" mean less but more. Each one is a brick. Day by day these gray blocks are stacked one on top of the other to build something stronger, something surer, something truer and better than if they were thrown around as they come to mind.
Over the last year I've been watching the same TV show every week (more or less) with the same friend. It's a ritual. And I love it. There are weeks one of us is too busy or has something else come up, but we do our best. Ritual is discipline. But there is something about the reliability of ritual that makes it deep, dependable. It's something to look forward to, because it's something solid and real when the rest of my week seems controlling or unstable. Ritual is brick walls that allow light to stream in through the windows.
Fear of commitment is an enemy of ritual. I would rather control my schedule and my time than surrender them to other people. To give myself over on a regular basis to the same event with the same person is frightening.
But when we dedicate ourselves to rituals, we dedicate ourselves to the realities they serve. We dedicate ourselves, schedules and all, to people, saying, "Even though something 'better' may come up, I'm dedicating myself to you. I'm promising that I'll be there. I'm affirming that you matter even when I may not feel like spending time with you, even when I'm glancing at my watch." And sometimes ritual grabs our attention and says, "But remember why you're doing this! Remember how much bigger this person, this thing, this reality is than you are even capable of comprehending." Ritual is mutual submission. Ritual is faith.
And ritual is "Love you" when I might not even feel it. Ritual is bigger than fleeting emotion.
So, here's to weekly dinners! Here's to TV schedules! Here's to family vacations and random holidays! Here's to bedtime stories and Sunday afternoon walks. Here is a place for ritual.
And here is a place for Love you.